a lie is always cloaked in fear
you’ve made it a career
using every kindness
that will comprise
your inevitable demise
consuming your atmosphere

i tell myself
i’ll never do it again
but then
it happens
you text
and i’m soon enveloped
in thoughts of you

i miss you
your humor
your hands
to have you again
turns tears of pain
to cries of pleasure
never taken in vain

what is it about you that has me weak?
weak in spirit
and weak in the knees
so says the race of my heart beat
and the pink in my cheeks

so recently time held space for me
i’ve seen so i believed it to be
wearing a crown with no kingdom
aligned with my false reality

superficially
a scrape will heal
given time
though some wounds
never heal entirely
what’s left
are scars
some say
have no appeal

try to sleep
that’s not happening
my nightmares begin
when my eyes close to dream
a mind open to everything
can become scary
quite quickly

a woman bred from German roots
judge and jury, settled disputes
you took in strays and nursed the sick
cared for others through thin and thick

you shouldered all the family weight
made sure to fill up every plate
Sunday meals fit for a queen
your kingdom had everything

tradition built out of routine
back then, we didn’t get the meaning
each moment spent, a precious gift
climbing trees and box car kids

they say that’s how it should be
this ancient turn of phrase
we stand before the alter free
then fog descends, a haze

forget her ‘with this ring i wed’
her thoughts aren’t needed here
after all, she’s the paper doll
reduced. diminished. veneered.

always before
yet never again
a friendship to last
but it’s come to an end

no quick to this fix
can it be fixed at all?
mercy won’t visit
her heart now withdrawn