malnourishment

i tried washing you away today
18 years circling the drain
you moved on quickly, no time to think
my worth reduced down before i could blink

i used to know not to cross the line
but every “i love you” died on the vine
wine can’t manifest from lies
seeds planted can’t grow when water runs dry

memories that we once made together
now they sit on the shelf and slowly wither
collecting dust i’m allergic to
and i’ll keep asking myself, “how could you?”

the answer only shrouded in black
music playing my heartbreak soundtrack
do you compliment her while i sit here in hurt?
covered in loss, the match lit, and it burns

i did all i could to show you my love
it was never enough so i had to give up
my screams for help got lost in this jar
til it fell on the floor and shattered apart

sadly i doubt that you’ll ever see
the depths to which you’ve ruined me
no traces left of the life that we built
our sandcastle was leveled, all that’s left now is silt

you get to move on and tell the story your way
our testaments fell flat on the page
a book broken, disheveled. pages torn out
the words that i’m left with fill my head with doubt

was any part of this journey for real?
a waste of time and hearts that won’t heal
where was the partnership from the start?
you buried your feelings and we fell apart

forever i’ll wonder why you chose me
did i look like a doormat? a place for your feet?
each day for those years i cleaned up the mess
this next time around, i won’t settle for less