contemplation walk

was it ever as good as i thought that it was?
we had, what i thought, was the deepest of love
or was i the one carrying for the both of us?

it took me so long to reach any conclusion
that it wasn’t some form of optic illusion
’how to get out’ was the only solution

i dug in my heels and i fell in the dirt
each moment of crisis made me more alert
wait…maybe i shouldn’t discount my worth?

i may have chosen this life with you
what i didn’t expect is to lose every clue
as each day i diminished into somebody new

someone unworthy, not full. not half
a fraction of her, barely staying on-track
til all that was left was a woman who lacked

i grew from her struggles. the choas. the mess.
the worst part about it…the game of chess
i’ve played it before though, i must confess

you’ve taught me how to break every rule
and i’ve gotten so good at being your fool
will i ever get out without the right tools?

can i ever regain my power back?
or will i be destined to live in our past?
questions that haunt me. but need to be asked