house arrest
a prison i paid for with a steep entry fee
the lines from the blinds fade to cold bars of steel
so grey are the walls, there’s no color within
i mask all my sadness with the happiest spin
each turn of good faith takes that much more energy
i lay down for the night left with nothing but lethargy
the days turn to years as brown hairs turn to grey
evidence of hardship but true grit would remain
though vibrance nor wholeness visits this place
each morsel of bitterness, but still it’s a taste
no other senses remain to me now
just a numbness i carry, unnervingly loud
i silenced the voices that told me to run
more medication for my daily function
my words grew and grew til no more left to speak
i climbed beneath rock to hide underneath
though the love in my heart never wavered one bit
my actions soon stood in stark contrast of it
those closest to me saw me suffer and sink
down the darkest of holes with no signs of relief
why couldn’t i manage like everyone else?
or at least they all seem to despite myself
i got lost in my head of dangerous thoughts
that maybe without me, they’d be better off